Archive for the ‘disabled’ Category
An Inconvenient Awakening…
My topic thought for this week was going to be… ‘The Holy Grail of Easter.’
It started like this. The Easter bunny sent his suit to the dry cleaners. And the kiddos pretty much have eaten the good stuff from their baskets. Mom made her last batch of egg salad. But, God’s love for us never dies.This was as far as I got.
And then I read the following quote from an author I follow. Jennifer Blanchard wrote…“When you know what matters. And you’re committed to getting the results you’re after. Then, inconvenience makes no difference. You just figure it out and do the best you can.”
I really liked this quote. I was wondering at the time, should I stick with my weekly blog topic? , should I go with a new one?
But then it hit me square between the eyes after reading the quote.
INCONVENIENCE. That’s what was on my mind. It was the name of the game. And my inconvenience started this past Tuesday afternoon when I wasn’t feeling so good.
It hit rather suddenly. My husband had given me a Cadbury chocolate Easter egg. It was a sweet gesture. But a diabetic knows better than to cheat.
Um, not too smart of me to let the wafting aroma of the chocolate tempt me. I also had a half peanut butter jelly sandwich for lunch. Ouch! Was I on a caloric binge or what?
Anyway, I didn’t feel so good. And then, my arms and hands went numb. What was happening? Needless-to say, it scared me. And to top it off, my husband wasn’t home. What should I do? It seemed silly to call 911.
So, I shrugged it off. I had a book in the hopper that my editor was waiting for. I had a FREE book to finish for the May Reading Room. And not to mention two blogs due on Monday. I’m not one to let my fans down.
But, I was getting progressively worse. It was like paralysis had taken over my limbs. And yet, I pushed forward.
Ed got home. I realized that I should add acting to my repertoire. He wanted to show me some good junk he’d found at a yard sale. So shoot me! I like junk too. I followed him to the garage. Yeah, he’d bought some good stuff. Did we need it? Nope. It was just another inconvenience to clean the stuff and find a place to display it.
Later that evening, I ate dinner. I could barely hold a utensil. Was this an inconvenience? You bet it was. I still didn’t tell my husband that something was wrong. I didn’t want him to think that maybe, he’d caused it.
As I lay in bed that night. And I finally confessed. I prayed nonstop for hours that God would restore the strength back into my arms and hands.
In the morning, I was worse. My eyes wouldn’t focus. My limbs were acting like a limp dishrag. We thought a diabetic episode should be over by now. My husband tested my glucose and the numbers were rather good.
Okay, why was I almost completely paralyzed? It had to be a reaction to a new medication. I called my primary doctor and she ruled out the diabetes.
I called my cardiologist and explained my symptoms. He suggested that I stop the new medication he’d prescribed at my last visit. He figured three days would give a sign if the symptoms were related to an intolerance reaction.
He said, ”Go ahead and resume the medication on Saturday. You have an appointment in a week. We’ll go over the dilemma then.”
I didn’t complain about the inconvenience of not being able to use my hands. Was it an inconvenience? More than you know.
So today is Thursday. I finished the FREE reading room book and sent the draft to my editor. I managed to get half of May’s Amazon e- book edited too. And now, I’m plunking away on the computer board working on blog number one.
The paralysis is fading, but I still find myself typing with one finger. And whoa! The typos are plenty. So, okay, I’ll fix them tomorrow. I’m hopeful that my strength will be back in full force by then.
And you know what else? Friday, we close on a property that we sold. I can’t hold a damn ink pen. Would you say this was another inconvenience? Or, a tragedy. My fingers are so weak and numb. I’ve tried practicing my signature and it looks like chicken scratches.
I asked my husband if I needed to sign the contract? He said, “Affirmative.”
Yeah, he was right, but I used to have a nice signature. Him, not so much. He’d missed his calling as a doctor. Can you ever read a doctor’s name?
I’ve signed many books for fans… your legible signature is important. I just wanted to cry. But, I reminded myself that it has been just a temporary inconvenience.
It’s now Friday morning. I’m feeling a touch better, I think… And yet, something is not right. But what? We’d ruled out everything we could think of.
We close on the sale of a rental house this afternoon. I still can’t sign my name. Maybe I can just use my initials.
My typing is slow going with fewer errors now. No, nothing is still perfect with my daily writing habits. How can I function in a normal way when my arm and hand isn’t working like it should? But, for the past few days, I managed to get the most important stuff done. And that comes from asking the question. How can I make this work, regardless that I’m partially paralyzed?
It’s a hell of an inconvenience, but a writer’s work is never done. You see, the definition of unstoppable is impossible to stop. But, dammit, even my clicker finger doesn’t want to click. Sorry about the profanity, but Darnit wasn’t strong enough to quash my frustrations.
So, I kept repeating to myself. You’re gonna have to push through and do the writing. Your arm is weak and your fingers have a mind of their own. It’s inconvenient, but your fans are looking forward to your blogs. They are anxious to read the next free story in the reading room. Mia Perez has more to say. Her life story isn’t finished yet.
I continued to think. Is my writing career over before it’s begun? Should I hang my hat up right now, because I’ll never get there?
Harsh? Maybe. But, that was a reality I had to face. I had to get honest with myself and look at the facts. It was time to call the doctor and find out. If I didn’t step up to the plate, and do what I had to do, I was fighting a lost cause.
I don’t know about you, but I’m NOT okay with that! I wasn’t okay with not telling my stories. I wasn’t okay with not writing my blogs. I wasn’t okay with allowing my dreams to die a slow death inside me.
And to be totally honest with you. The idea of dying with untold stories not yet written, scared me more than knowing what I faced. Morbid? Yup. But sometimes it takes looking at things from a morbid perspective. I had to finally wake up and swallow the bitter pill.
So, I finished the blog. Thank goodness for spell check and grammar check. It’s doubtful that Louise could have figured out most of the sentences and words, otherwise.
Anyway, my husband helped me dress. I put on French earrings minus the back plug, and applied a touch of makeup. I feel naked without a little bling and a dab of wrinkle concealer. I thought, I’ll throw on some lipstick too. Just to add a little color to my washed out face. Whoops! The lipstick just streaked across my face. Yup, I completely missed my mouth.
The contract signing went well. My left hand steadied my right hand. I grasped the pen and with a slow, steady stroke, my name was legible enough. The thought stuck in my brain. I guess I’d better start working on using my left. At least, I’d have an excuse for the poor penmanship.
We’re now at the doctor’s office. Ed had to fill out the form. I don’t know whose penmanship was worse. His or mine… the receptionist chuckled about my comment.
Dr. Linda did her thing. She poked and prodded. She asked one question after another. She ruled out one thing and another. “Hmm,” she said. “Without a CT scan, my best guess is that you suffered a ‘mini stroke.”
Whoa! That was a shocker… but, I didn’t have warning pains? I said.
She said, “NO. There aren’t any advanced signs. A (TIA), Transient ischemic attack, is a temporary dysfunction of the brain. It’s due to a shortage of blood and oxygen. A TIA lasts no longer than 24 hours. It is sometimes referred to as a mini-stroke.”
Not good, I thought.
If you want to learn more, then look it up online like I did.
Dr. Linda then said, “The good news is, the symptoms should be gone by Monday. I want you to follow up with me on Thursday. And resume the medication your cardiologist prescribed.”
She looked at Ed and said, “It’s your job to watch her. If there’s any change, or if she does strange and unusual things. Go directly to the E.R.”
Ed smirked and said, “That’s not going to be easy. She says and does unusual things all the time.”
Never-the-less, this past week has been inconvenient. Yes, but regardless, I’m lucky and blessed with the outcome.
Others can support you and help you along the way. And the Universe has your back. But, life will always throw those inconveniences at you when you’re not expecting it.
So next time you find yourself ready to make an excuse for not doing something, ask yourself. “How can I make this work anyhow?”
And then, act on whatever answer comes up. No one can bring reality to its fruition except you.
Whether it’s an excuse or inconvenience.
Ed, I said, should we go to church tomorrow, or take the day off?
“Honey,” he said. “Let’s take the day off and just relax.”
I laughed. Well, Ed, I answered. You might just relax, but I do that every day. Yikes, did I just say something out of character and unusual?
I’ll see you next week with another tale from the crypt.
Pounding on the keyboard… clicking the mouse
A Good Friday Thank You…
I realize that this won’t post until Monday, the day after Easter. But, I decided to write this blog anyway. The idea came to me this morning, Good Friday. I will have my editor post it on Monday, the day after Easter.
Like I do every day, I spent fifteen minutes of quiet time. This is my alone time to plan my day. I thanked the Lord for another day of hope, promise, opportunity and success. A day to receive, live and speak the Gospel. I was in a quandary what next week’s blog topic would be. And then it happened. The Holy Spirit led me to the theme for the week’s blog.
It actually started on Holy Thursday. My husband Ed and I went to a special Easter luncheon at our church. The Pastor’s topic was, THANK YOU. Not giving thanks, but the two words, THANK YOU.
This was food for thought. I started to think how lazy, we’ve become in giving thanks. Today, we do everything over the internet. We send a typed thank you note. We send cards of all sorts. We even write our letters on the computer. Little is done, any longer the old fashion way. By hand.
And, we often thank God in a sloppy, lazy manner too. But, I wanted to do something about saying THANK YOU to God the Father for giving us life.
Just saying THANK YOU, didn’t seem enough. I needed to THANK God the Father for sacrificing His only Son. It was when Jesus was nailed to the cross that brought forth our redemption. And this message made me think about my own life.
God has a purpose for everyone.“But I have raised you up for this purpose. That I might show you my power. And that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” (Exodus 9:16).
God’s purpose is the one that lasts. Each of us are born with a purpose and a calling. We have the opportunity to discover it or completely miss it. The influence of the Holy Spirit gives us insight to His purposes for us.
I thought back over my life. Like most of us, we’ve gone through stages. I don’t often think about dying. But, this morning, I did. God the Father gave me life. He chose me for a reason. I have a purpose to fulfill here on earth until the Father calls me home.
So, phase one of my life was to be the best kid that I could be. Especially as a child, hard times can make it difficult to see God’s purpose. Often times, we don’t want to see that God is working our difficulty for our good. But, with the mindset that God is working things out for us, things don’t seem so bad.
In my case, I found it hard being a kid with a disability. But, the Lord and His purposes are perfect. Yet we are not. Doubts and fears can keep us from living out the purposes that He has established for us.
Even as a child, I reached out to God. The more I learned about God, and prayed to Him, I became stronger in my trust. I started to see His purpose for me. God longed for me to start on the pathway to the life He created for me.
In Ephesian 1:11, “In Him we were chosen according to His plan. And in conformity with the purpose of his will.”
As I got older, I started to understand that I was born by His purpose and for His purpose. But, I still struggled to understand my disability. I had questions. How could I live a successful life as a person with a disability? I kept looking within myself to find the answer.
But, I didn’t create myself so how could I have the answer? It was God who directed my life. That’s when I began turning my concerns over to Him. After all, I couldn’t start the phase with the focus on me.
My disability continued to weaken me more. I started seeing miracles happening. They may have been small, but there were still miracles. My artistic talents grew and developed beyond my wildest dreams. I loved my work and delved into it with deep passion.
I felt alive because God willed me to live. I had my share of setbacks. I even turned my back on God. I went through a failed marriage. But, two beautiful children were His gift to us. Life didn’t make sense. And all roads came to dead ends.
I seemed doomed to be a failure. But why? How could a life that was so good, turn sour? I had strayed away from letting God use me for His purpose. I liked being in control. But, it says in Romans 8:6 vs. 8, “God isn’t pleased when ignored.”
I was smug. I knew I could find success if I put my mind to it. And I did, by the world’s standards. I had climbed my way to the top. I was a successful Director for a non-profit. I was well known in my community. And yet, I still missed the purpose that God created for me. In Mark, 8:35 it says, “Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self.”
I still couldn’t figure out what was not fulfilled in my life. Wasn’t I sacrificing a lot by having a muscle disease that was taking away my quality of life? I had a quantity of material things, but my heart felt starved and empty.
The next phase came without much warning. I spent the next fifteen years fighting three bouts of cancer. I prayed. I bartered with God. I wanted to give up on life. And I gave up on God. I wasn’t thinking about Jesus, my savior. I was thinking of me. Poor me…
But God wasn’t giving up on me. He sent the Holy Spirit through my husband to shake me up. He wasn’t through with me. Not yet, and neither was my husband. He said, “I know you have to do the work and go through the steps to rid the cancer. But, I’ll be with you every day, and we’ll get through it together.”
I knew it was Jesus talking to me. I was ashamed of myself for wanting to throw in the towel. My suffering was miniscule compared to Jesus’ suffering.
I learned through some Bible passages that God uses the disabled for His glory. God uses a disability to show His awesome love for all creation and to help us imitate His love. God allows things to happen for good reasons. God uses people with disabilities to inspire and advance to His kingdom.
People take things for granted. Like, getting dressed. Combing your hair. Picking up an object that’s fallen to the floor. Driving a car. Going shopping alone. Even feeding yourself without dropping food on the floor.
There are people who are blind who see better than people with eyesight. There are people who are deaf who can hear better than people with good hearing. Our momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory. And that outweighs the perfect body. God remains perfect, good, loving, kind, and just.
John 9:2-4 “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”
“It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”
So, on to the next phase of my life.
Proverbs 3:5–6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”
I threw speculation out the window. There was no more theorizing, conjecture or guessing games. I went straight to the man who sat in the driver’s seat of my life. I asked the Creator of my life. The Bible said. “God’s wisdom goes deeper into the interior of His purpose.”
Revelation! I needed to hear God’s words. After all, He was the source of my purpose. God thought about me before my conception. He chose everything about me right down to the color of my eyes and hair. He chose my gender.
I was not a mistake. God chose my parents. I was conceived in His mind. He custom made my body just the way He wanted it. He predetermined my natural talents. He knew me inside out. He planned the days of my life in advance. And only He knows the circumstances and the moment of my death. And He chose my purpose.
God had a plan in creating me. He never does anything by accident. And He never makes a mistake. God’s motive for creating me was His love. God made me so He could love me. Because God is love.I no longer drift through life without a purpose. The Holy Spirit guides my way through each day. And Jesus walks with me through my day.
Once upon a time, I was a student. And then I became a mother. And then I was an artist because that was my purpose at the time. But then that purpose changed and God sent me back to school. He had many wonderful things planned for me that required a higher education. He also planned an early retirement because of more health issues.
The Lord was a focal point in my life now. But He knew I would soon need someone to be my caregiver. And that’s when He introduced this wonderful man into my life. And we married. So now we are a blended family of five children and six grandchildren.
My physical abilities have deteriorated. I no longer can use some talents that were on loan to me by God the Father. But He has a new purpose for me now. I might be living the final chapter of my life. I don’t know. But, what I do know is God has more for me to do. He’s not finished with me yet.
So, I’m off to yet, another phase of my life. I’m grateful for my relationship with Jesus. I’m grateful for my life. The Holy Spirit has gifted me with words. I write two weekly blogs. My general K. Lorraine blog, also known as ‘My Funn Stuff.’ And a new blog. I love my work…
‘No Shoes Required.’ This is a new concept blog. A blog, especially structured for women with disabilities. It’s a sharing & learning web blog. I hope you take the time to take a look. You don’t need a disability to have fun. Most women love fashion. I’m a self declared Fashionista. And, I believe that I have my heavenly Father’s permission.
So, in this new phase, my instructions are to pound on the keyboard. And click my mouse until my fingers no longer function. And then, well, I’ll just have to wait and see.
You can read more of work by visiting my website. http://klorraine.com. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Goodreads. My books are available in the Amazon e-book store. Createspace. Goodreads. Barnes & Noble and the K. Lorraine website.
Until next week,
Poll for a new blog
Copyright © 2017 by K. Lorraine Books
March 13, 2017
Disability has no boundaries. Creativity and imagination come from the mind, not of the limbs. Anything is possible.
Creativity, talent, artist+ disability = Handicapable.
I wrote up a whole page of notes before I started this week’s blog. This blog is about a NEW blog where people with physical challenges can learn new things. It’s also a place where you can share your stories. This webpage is not for political or religious views. It is a website for social fun. It’s also just in the planning stage.
But, I’m excited about it. It’s taken me a long time to get to the place where I could share my own disability. I’ve never wanted people to feel sorry for me. But even though I’m in my 60’s, I still get people who come up and hug me. Or, they lay a hand on my shoulder and with their puppy dog eyes say, “Oh, you poor dear.”
This situation happened to me the other day in the supermarket. I was polite to the woman. I showed my pearly whites in a big, bright smile, and said, “God Bless you too. But let me share with you that I’m a successful woman who is a published author. I’m an artist, a wife and a mother. I’m a college graduate and I was the Director of a nonprofit for several years until I retired. And, oh, I have an exceptionally high I.Q.”
I smiled again and said, “Have a nice day.”
Needless to-say, her jaw hit the floor.
I don’t spend my days planning a ‘pity party.’ I do spend some days, though, planning a house party with friends.
So, I thought, maybe the time was right to write my weekly blog about people with disabilities. I know that my calling and purpose in the world is to inspire, motivate, educate and empower. And that’s what I hope reading this blog will do.
I am a creator who wants to change the way people think. And I want to challenge those with a disability to read this blog. This blog is also a makeshift poll to get an idea if it’s something that’s needed.
I’ve challenged myself to do what matters to me. But I need to do first things first—before I let the rest of the world in. And now it’s the weekend. I could skip the weekend and not write. It’s a gorgeous day here. The temperature is in the 80’s. But, writers don’t get to take days off. And I write a weekly blog that comes out on Monday. I feel like this is a nudge from the Universe for you to jump into the challenge and write a comment. You can instant message me on Facebook, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Here’s the thing—a writer can’t separate herself from an idea. Because I’m the idea. It’s me and me alone. My idea is to have a website where you can come. You can read what others write about. After all, they might have similar problems. You can get information that might be just what you are looking for. You can also share your thoughts and experiences as a person with a disability.
I’ve researched this idea. There are websites dealing with products and services. But, I didn’t find anyplace like the one I have in mind. When I first started out online in 2011, I just had a blog. It was simple, but I did gain hundreds and even thousands who read it.
Back then, I was struggling with just doing the writing. But I kept going. Years later, my computer guru, Jeannie, and I got together and created the K. Lorraine website.
And then I realized that I wanted to be a successful fiction book author. I spent years on writing and publishing books. I’ve spent over six years in promoting my brand. I’m proud of myself for the ground I’ve covered over the years. It’s been a lot of work for little pay.
I wrote my New Year’s Resolution and posted them in the January blog. I was excited and wanted to take action in this new year. But here’s the thing—I’m me. Which means everything that I create, every idea I have, everything I write… that’s all me.
It’s the first part of March and I’m so close to meeting a few of my resolutions. But, I’m a multi-passionate writer. I’m a big-dreamer and believer in magic… I’ve always been. And my words are my legacy. I’m a believer that I CAN do all the things I have planned to do this year.
And that clarity forced me to see what I wanted to do. I want to have an impact on the world. I’m a writer, and it’s inbred in me. But now, I’m allowing myself to let out that other side of me. I want to inspire, motivate, educate and empower you. I’m a person with a disability and I’m proud of my accomplishments.
THAT is what I’m here to do… So that’s what I’m going to do. I hope with the help of Jeannie, a computer whiz, we can create another dream that I have. Before I hang up my computer, I’m going to be the writer and author I want to be.
And I’m going to write about it. I’m going to share my thoughts on it. I want to blog about the things I’ve learned living a life using a mobility device. I hope that my new blog will inspire, motivate and empower you to create your own version of your dream life.
Now this isn’t unlike most of what I’m already doing. It’s just now I’ll be doing it with a new vision and purpose. I’m finally giving myself permission to cut back on the stories I write.
I want to focus more on my blogging. I want to focus on the artistic side of me. I’ve always loved fashion and design. And now, I want to share the Fashionista in me with you.
I don’t know if you realize that as age sets in, my disability becomes more challenging. I’ve spent years of searching the world for fashion ideas that work for a seated lifestyle. I even rolled down the runway, modeling fashions that I designed. Simply because off-the-rack clothes just didn’t ‘cut it’.
There’s no point in waiting. I know the type of writer that I want to base my legacy on. I know disability. I know how to shop on a budget. I know where to find on-line trendy fashions. I know how to be comfortable at home, and I know how to be comfortable in the workplace. I know how to be fashionable regardless that I have a physical disability.
The truth is, I’d never be ready to make this leap. Invest in the course, or step into the work is my heart’s desire to do in the world. So that’s why I have to just jump, right now.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed. All anyone has is right now. And right now, is the time that seems right for me. I’ve given myself the permission to go for it, and trust that what I feel inside is real.
It’s time to go after my dreams. So, please respond to my blog/poll and give me your thoughts about the upcoming new blog called “No shoes required.”