An Inconvenient Awakening…
My topic thought for this week was going to be… ‘The Holy Grail of Easter.’
It started like this. The Easter bunny sent his suit to the dry cleaners. And the kiddos pretty much have eaten the good stuff from their baskets. Mom made her last batch of egg salad. But, God’s love for us never dies.This was as far as I got.
And then I read the following quote from an author I follow. Jennifer Blanchard wrote…“When you know what matters. And you’re committed to getting the results you’re after. Then, inconvenience makes no difference. You just figure it out and do the best you can.”
I really liked this quote. I was wondering at the time, should I stick with my weekly blog topic? , should I go with a new one?
But then it hit me square between the eyes after reading the quote.
INCONVENIENCE. That’s what was on my mind. It was the name of the game. And my inconvenience started this past Tuesday afternoon when I wasn’t feeling so good.
It hit rather suddenly. My husband had given me a Cadbury chocolate Easter egg. It was a sweet gesture. But a diabetic knows better than to cheat.
Um, not too smart of me to let the wafting aroma of the chocolate tempt me. I also had a half peanut butter jelly sandwich for lunch. Ouch! Was I on a caloric binge or what?
Anyway, I didn’t feel so good. And then, my arms and hands went numb. What was happening? Needless-to say, it scared me. And to top it off, my husband wasn’t home. What should I do? It seemed silly to call 911.
So, I shrugged it off. I had a book in the hopper that my editor was waiting for. I had a FREE book to finish for the May Reading Room. And not to mention two blogs due on Monday. I’m not one to let my fans down.
But, I was getting progressively worse. It was like paralysis had taken over my limbs. And yet, I pushed forward.
Ed got home. I realized that I should add acting to my repertoire. He wanted to show me some good junk he’d found at a yard sale. So shoot me! I like junk too. I followed him to the garage. Yeah, he’d bought some good stuff. Did we need it? Nope. It was just another inconvenience to clean the stuff and find a place to display it.
Later that evening, I ate dinner. I could barely hold a utensil. Was this an inconvenience? You bet it was. I still didn’t tell my husband that something was wrong. I didn’t want him to think that maybe, he’d caused it.
As I lay in bed that night. And I finally confessed. I prayed nonstop for hours that God would restore the strength back into my arms and hands.
In the morning, I was worse. My eyes wouldn’t focus. My limbs were acting like a limp dishrag. We thought a diabetic episode should be over by now. My husband tested my glucose and the numbers were rather good.
Okay, why was I almost completely paralyzed? It had to be a reaction to a new medication. I called my primary doctor and she ruled out the diabetes.
I called my cardiologist and explained my symptoms. He suggested that I stop the new medication he’d prescribed at my last visit. He figured three days would give a sign if the symptoms were related to an intolerance reaction.
He said, ”Go ahead and resume the medication on Saturday. You have an appointment in a week. We’ll go over the dilemma then.”
I didn’t complain about the inconvenience of not being able to use my hands. Was it an inconvenience? More than you know.
So today is Thursday. I finished the FREE reading room book and sent the draft to my editor. I managed to get half of May’s Amazon e- book edited too. And now, I’m plunking away on the computer board working on blog number one.
The paralysis is fading, but I still find myself typing with one finger. And whoa! The typos are plenty. So, okay, I’ll fix them tomorrow. I’m hopeful that my strength will be back in full force by then.
And you know what else? Friday, we close on a property that we sold. I can’t hold a damn ink pen. Would you say this was another inconvenience? Or, a tragedy. My fingers are so weak and numb. I’ve tried practicing my signature and it looks like chicken scratches.
I asked my husband if I needed to sign the contract? He said, “Affirmative.”
So I showed him my pen scratches. He just said, “Well, my signature isn’t much better.”
Yeah, he was right, but I used to have a nice signature. Him, not so much. He’d missed his calling as a doctor. Can you ever read a doctor’s name?
I’ve signed many books for fans… your legible signature is important. I just wanted to cry. But, I reminded myself that it has been just a temporary inconvenience.
It’s now Friday morning. I’m feeling a touch better, I think… And yet, something is not right. But what? We’d ruled out everything we could think of.
We close on the sale of a rental house this afternoon. I still can’t sign my name. Maybe I can just use my initials.
My typing is slow going with fewer errors now. No, nothing is still perfect with my daily writing habits. How can I function in a normal way when my arm and hand isn’t working like it should? But, for the past few days, I managed to get the most important stuff done. And that comes from asking the question. How can I make this work, regardless that I’m partially paralyzed?
It’s a hell of an inconvenience, but a writer’s work is never done. You see, the definition of unstoppable is impossible to stop. But, dammit, even my clicker finger doesn’t want to click. Sorry about the profanity, but Darnit wasn’t strong enough to quash my frustrations.
So, I kept repeating to myself. You’re gonna have to push through and do the writing. Your arm is weak and your fingers have a mind of their own. It’s inconvenient, but your fans are looking forward to your blogs. They are anxious to read the next free story in the reading room. Mia Perez has more to say. Her life story isn’t finished yet.
I continued to think. Is my writing career over before it’s begun? Should I hang my hat up right now, because I’ll never get there?
Harsh? Maybe. But, that was a reality I had to face. I had to get honest with myself and look at the facts. It was time to call the doctor and find out. If I didn’t step up to the plate, and do what I had to do, I was fighting a lost cause.
I don’t know about you, but I’m NOT okay with that! I wasn’t okay with not telling my stories. I wasn’t okay with not writing my blogs. I wasn’t okay with allowing my dreams to die a slow death inside me.
And to be totally honest with you. The idea of dying with untold stories not yet written, scared me more than knowing what I faced. Morbid? Yup. But sometimes it takes looking at things from a morbid perspective. I had to finally wake up and swallow the bitter pill.
So, I finished the blog. Thank goodness for spell check and grammar check. It’s doubtful that Louise could have figured out most of the sentences and words, otherwise.
Anyway, my husband helped me dress. I put on French earrings minus the back plug, and applied a touch of makeup. I feel naked without a little bling and a dab of wrinkle concealer. I thought, I’ll throw on some lipstick too. Just to add a little color to my washed out face. Whoops! The lipstick just streaked across my face. Yup, I completely missed my mouth.
The contract signing went well. My left hand steadied my right hand. I grasped the pen and with a slow, steady stroke, my name was legible enough. The thought stuck in my brain. I guess I’d better start working on using my left. At least, I’d have an excuse for the poor penmanship.
We’re now at the doctor’s office. Ed had to fill out the form. I don’t know whose penmanship was worse. His or mine… the receptionist chuckled about my comment.
Dr. Linda did her thing. She poked and prodded. She asked one question after another. She ruled out one thing and another. “Hmm,” she said. “Without a CT scan, my best guess is that you suffered a ‘mini stroke.”
Whoa! That was a shocker… but, I didn’t have warning pains? I said.
She said, “NO. There aren’t any advanced signs. A (TIA), Transient ischemic attack, is a temporary dysfunction of the brain. It’s due to a shortage of blood and oxygen. A TIA lasts no longer than 24 hours. It is sometimes referred to as a mini-stroke.”
Not good, I thought.
If you want to learn more, then look it up online like I did.
Dr. Linda then said, “The good news is, the symptoms should be gone by Monday. I want you to follow up with me on Thursday. And resume the medication your cardiologist prescribed.”
She looked at Ed and said, “It’s your job to watch her. If there’s any change, or if she does strange and unusual things. Go directly to the E.R.”
Ed smirked and said, “That’s not going to be easy. She says and does unusual things all the time.”
Never-the-less, this past week has been inconvenient. Yes, but regardless, I’m lucky and blessed with the outcome.
Others can support you and help you along the way. And the Universe has your back. But, life will always throw those inconveniences at you when you’re not expecting it.
So next time you find yourself ready to make an excuse for not doing something, ask yourself. “How can I make this work anyhow?”
And then, act on whatever answer comes up. No one can bring reality to its fruition except you.
Whether it’s an excuse or inconvenience.
Ed, I said, should we go to church tomorrow, or take the day off?
“Honey,” he said. “Let’s take the day off and just relax.”
I laughed. Well, Ed, I answered. You might just relax, but I do that every day. Yikes, did I just say something out of character and unusual?
I’ll see you next week with another tale from the crypt.
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